G. K. Wuori

Cold Iron consists of random bits of irreverence, surliness, and contumely; sometimes it's even funny. Reading it is entirely optional.

...the iron monger and rusticater himself

Cool Iron
(archive)

"Never hit someone over the head with a hot iron. Wait until it cools so you don't burn them."

...the source of my ideas

Random Thoughts On A Surgery

October 1, 2023

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

If there's a heaven, will they have Portillo's?

Does my surgeon have a driver's license?

Will I have one of those gowns that shows my butt? It's an old butt.

I wonder if anyone will say, "Please hold. Your surgery is very important to us."

If my surgeon walks into the operating room with a booklet, should I be concerned?

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

Should I be concerned about that person sitting in the corner with an adding machine?

Why did that administrator want to know if I had PayPal?

How is it that everyone always has the best doctor in the country? Do I?

Should I invest in electronic-vehicle charging stations?

Will the Chicago Bears ever live up to expectations?

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

If I forget my date of birth, will they still do the operation?

Should I worry that they'll microchip me while I'm asleep? Would that matter?

Should I tip the woman at Valet Parking?

Will my surgeon be expecting a tip?

Can I bring my dog?

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

I forgot. I don't have a dog.

After you wash your windows during a drought they stay clean for a long time.

I never found out who killed J.R.

The world would be a less contentious place if everyone wore scrubs.

Hardly anybody knows anybody who has had an abortion.

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

Should I declare myself a candidate for the presidency again?

I always do. Hasn't worked yet.

Maybe I just need to be re-booted.

Should I be concerned if the surgeon asks for my astrological sign?

I'm a Leo.

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

Will the world continue to go on while I'm anesthetized?

Who let the dogs out?

Life is not possible without peanut butter.

Five showers with Hibiclens makes me bacteria-free – and a little lonely.

I think we all need a spinal anesthetic from time to time. Just saying.

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

Here's a great headline from Huffington Post: I Became A Monitor At A Sex Dungeon.

It does make you think about career choices.

Whatever happened to Baby Jane?

Have you ever used Chlorhexidine Gluconate wipes?

One of my biggest worries right now is that the red cherry season is over.

Random Thoughts While Awaiting A Surgery …

I just realized I'll never be Tom Cruise.

But the Dude abides. Always.

My son gave me Junior Mints as a pre-op gift. Can you guess the reason?

All the pre-op business keeps you really busy.

Now I finally have time to be anxious. Nervous. Fearful. Silly.

Random Thoughts Following A Surgery …

Ouch.

Success.

G. K. Wuori © 2023

Photoillustration by the author

Selected Works

Novel

HoneyLee's Girl

I think this book would appeal to anyone who likes a dark crime story set in a rural, somewhat remote part of Maine in a time when the radicalism of the nineteen-seventies was sweeping the country.

An American Outrage

Ellen DeLay, an upstanding citizen of Quillifarkeag, Maine, suddenly and unpredictably leaves her happy, twenty-five year marriage for a lonely cabin deep in the Maine woods, where she makes a living dressing hunters' kill - bears, moose, deer. It seems an idyllic life, punctuated only now and then by rifle fire as she shoots into the air to scare off cheeky teens who come to taunt "the crazy woman."

Novella

A small-town lawyer in the middle of a gruesome murder case finds salvation in the world of a homeless woman and her daughter.

Now That I'm Ready To Tell You Everything

A young woman's morning walk through her small town finds her immersed in a small tragedy, an indifferent government, and the "science gone mad" of her best friend's husband. Quirky, goofy, nutty - yes, but a gentle look as well at some of the values that keep us from falling off the planet

Essay

Reflections In A Keyhole Eye

A hint of generally true autobiography, this piece is part of Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill's "How I Became A Writer" series.

Stories

Quillifarkeag is a state of mind, one marked by innocence and regret, by guile and sympathy. The people there will let you into their lives - but not very far. Go too far inside and things start to echo, people get close. Honesty becomes negotiable. Bare all and someone might still say, "Were you naked or nude?" It's an important distinction. In a small place like Quilli the naked truth is hurtful. The nude truth is not so bad.

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