Brand New
August 1, 2024
Brand New
I think I need a brand. No, I think I need to be a brand. At least that's what we're being told these days.
Years ago, when I taught philosophy, students were into identity questions, especially the old-timey ones: Who am I? What am I? Where am I going? Having made their way through the perils of childhood, it seemed an appropriate time to see what kind of cookie those years of baking had produced.
Know thyself, that good man Socrates once said.
Today, though, simply presenting yourself to the world as the person you are with all your talents and failings and ambitions and self-delusion isn't enough. You need a persona of costumery, silliness, and daring. If your hair isn't purple or you can't chew fifty sticks of bubble gum at one time or speak Mandarin Chinese with an Irish accent, well, you're just not going to make it.
In other words, we don't present ourself to the world – we market it.
When I first got into college admissions the great buzzword for colleges and universities was 'marketing' and it was a pretty new notion in those venues. Colleges needed to sell themselves and their programs and their faculties so as to attract students, and, oh boy, did the faculty hate it. Some of them hated me, too, because I was the chief recruiter and I had to market the college, as one faculty member said to me, "like it's a goddamn used Chevrolet."
Were Socrates alive today he would no doubt change his dictum to: Sell thyself.
So I've been giving some thought to my brand.
The goal, apparently, is to do something that will get you, say, a million followers. I'm not sure what I'd do with a million followers – try to learn their names, I guess. However, the goal after having a million followers is to make money. Not from them, of course. Their role is to fawn and drool and get all wiggy when you speak Mandarin Chinese in a southern accent.
What you do is tell someone – say, Chipotle – that you have a million followers and then they'll give you money. All you have to do is eat some Chipotle guacamole while speaking Mandarin Chinese with a Polish accent. Your followers will love it.
Unfortunately, I don't like guacamole.
I'm a writer so I ought to be able to do something with that. Hm.
I remember one time when a reviewer reviewed one of my books (quite favorably) and used the term 'quirky' three times to describe my work. My work does kind of get out there so I didn't mind.
Which might work. No millions of people have ever paid much attention to G.K. Wuori, but there just might be some hope in G.K. Quirky.
I'll let you know.
G.K. Wuori (for now) ©2024
Photoillustration by the author