01-Oct-2008
Things To Do In October That Have Nothing To Do With Politics
At this point in the IFC (Infinite Presidential Campaign), nearly all of us know who we’re going to vote for and there’s very little that could change our minds in the remaining campaigns. Thus, the constant barrage of campaign effluvia is going to grow quite wearying. To counter this, I have proposed a number of activities – some serious, some silly – for you to engage in that have nothing to do with politics
Get some bricks and make some circles in your yard and let the grass grow in those circles. By the way, as your grass “wilds out,” it will re-seed your lawn. Note: some odd hybrids of turf in developments get weird if you let it grow out. That could be fun.
Give yourself a little Google workout and find and record the top ten current hit songs in India. Do some research on the artists and then download and play these songs at work. A few people might think you’re kooky, but you’ll be amazed at how hungry people are for something truly new.
Right – that was my first thought, too. But Indian music is truly amazing.
The next time you’re slowed on a highway in a construction zone, just tell yourself, “Hm. Not all that long ago this was a cow path and twenty miles an hour would have been seen as wildly reckless.” If you have no construction zones near you, please let me know where you live. I might want to move there.
Go to a bookstore and buy a new book – no sale books, no remainder books, an actual new book. I suggest anything by the poet, Billy Collins. Yes, poetry. Right now you need it more than ever. If you read some of his poems out loud to your family or at work people will say, “I didn’t know poetry was like that. Wow.”
Every Monday evening for one month take your laundry to a laundromat. It’s best to take ten dollars in quarters with you since the change machines don’t always work. Ask the attendant if she’d mind putting a country music station on the sound system.
Pick one really interesting thing that has happened to you and write a memoir. Don’t try to be perfect or literary. Just pretend you’re telling the story to a friend – but write it. Don’t let all the unique parts of your life slip away!
Check the air in the tires of your car.
Offer to take your neighbor’s dog for a walk. Offer to take your neighbor as well.
Try to recite the Ten Commandments from memory, then ask your religious other (priest, pastor, rabbi, etc.) if he or she can do it. Be lighthearted as you make this request.
Make an appointment with your local clinic to have a tetanus booster shot. I’ll bet you even money you don’t know the date of your last one. You should have one about every ten years.
Men — for one week brush your teeth, shave, and comb your hair with your “other” hand. This is good for your brain. I hesitate to make a comparable suggestion for women since I don’t know all the things they do in this regard and any suggestion I might make could be dangerous.
Women – for one week wear (if relevant) your wedding and engagement rings on your right hand. Make sure you write down any comments this gives rise to.
Don’t watch anything on television that purports to be a “reality” show. Television is not real. You need to understand that.
Replace the PVC shower curtain liner(s) in your shower(s) with cloth liners. It’s time for us all to admit that the smell of those new PVC liners is something none of us should be breathing. Cloth liners are more expensive, but they last much longer and are washable.
Here’s a little game for you and your spouse to play. Go through the labels on your clothing and see whose clothing represents more countries in their manufacture. There are no prizes for the winner, but you might want to check your pension plans to see if you are represented in any international funds.
If telemarketers continue to bother you, it’s way past time for you to put your regular phone and cellphone numbers on the Do Not Call list. You can do this by going to https://www.donotcall.gov/ and signing up. The registry is permanent so your registration of these numbers never expires.
Mow your lawn on the diagonal. This tends to make it look quite pretty and will cause at least one person to ask why you did that. You won’t know. Nobody knows but it’s still kind of fun to do.
A “Whoops!” (politics) moment: Make sure you’re registered to vote and then vote on election day. I recommend the Obama/Biden ticket. If that’s not your cup of tea, try a cup of Drano.
G. K. Wuori © 2008
Photoillustration by the author
